Meet Fang

Professional Judge. Reluctant Muse. Feline Overlord.

Fang is not your average house cat. He doesn’t chase mice. He chases clarity. He doesn’t purr. He scoffs softly. With one twitch of the tail and a laser-focused stare, Fang delivers daily doses of judgmental wisdom for humans who clearly need guidance.

Born somewhere between a sunbeam and a personal crisis, Fang has made it his life’s work to observe your choices and comment accordingly. His affirmations are not meant to inspire—they’re meant to wake you up with the emotional slap of a cold paw at 3AM.

“It’s not that I don’t care.
It’s that you need to care more.”

He enjoys long naps on important documents, judging your productivity from across the room, and knocking over your ego one teacup at a time.